What ails ye now, ye lousie bitch
To thresh my back at sic a pitch?
Losh, man! haemercy wi’ your natch,
Your bodkin’s bauld;
I didna suffer half saemuch
Frae Daddie Auld.

What tho’ at times, when I grow crouse,
I gie their wames a random pouse,
Is that enough for you to souse
Your servant sae?
Gae mindyour seam, ye prick-the-louse,
An’ jag-the-flea!

King David, o’ poetic brief,
Wrocht ‘mang the lasses sicmischief
As filled his after-life wi’ grief,
An’ bluidyrants,
An’ yet he’s rank’d amang the chief
O’ lang-syne saunts.

And maybe, Tam, for a’ my cants,
My wicked rhymes, an’ drucken rants,
I’ll gie auld cloven’s Clootie’s haunts
An uncoslip yet,
An’ snugly sit amangthe saunts,
At Davie’s hip yet!

But, fegs! the session says I maun
Gaefa’upo’ anitherplan
Than garrin lasses coupthe cran,
Clean heels ower body,
An’ sairlytholetheir mother’s ban
Aforethe howdy.

This leads me on to tell for sport,
How I did wi’ the Session sort;
AuldClinkum, at the inner port,
Cried three times, “Robin!
Come hither lad, and answer for’t,
Ye’re blam’d for jobbin!”

Wi’ pinch I put a Sunday’s face on,
An’ snoov’d awabefore the Session:
I made anopen, fair confession-
I scorn’t to lee,
An’ syneMess John, beyond expression,
Fellfoul o’me.

A fornicator-loun he call’d me,
An’ said my faut fraebliss expell’d me;
I own’d the tale was true he tell’dme,
“But, what the matter?
(Quo’ I) I fear unless ye geld me,
I’ll ne’er be better!”

“Geld you! (quo’ he) an’ what for no?
If that your right hand, leg ortoe
Should ever prove your sp’ritual foe,
You should remember
To cut it aff-an’ what forno
Your dearest member?”

“Na, na, (quo’ I,) I’m nofor that,
Gelding’s naebetter than ’tis ca’t;
I’d rather suffer for my faut
A hearty flewit,
As sairowrehip as ye can draw’t,
Tho’ I should rue it.

“Or, ginye like to end the bother,
To please us a’-I’ve just aeither-
When next wi’yonlass I forgather,
Whate’er betide it,
I’ll frankly gieher ‘t a’ thegither,
An’ let her guide it.”

But, sir, this pleas’d them warst of a’,
An’ therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said “Gude night,” an’ cam’ awa’,
An’left the Session;
I sawthey were resolved a’
On my oppression.